his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So. Much. Porn.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
