you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
