i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
