I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
