just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
