i don't plan on having that self control this summer
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
