Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
