Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
