Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
