I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
