the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
