I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
