Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
