My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
