His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
