Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
