this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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