I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
