Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
