shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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