i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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