Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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