just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
