i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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