its not stalking. its research.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
