I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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