i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
