And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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