I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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