I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
