I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
