You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
