Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
