Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
