I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
