At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
