idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
worst night to have a conscience
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
