She is in my trunk
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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