Whod you bang
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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