One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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