We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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