found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
