I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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