i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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