I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
