Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
