Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
