you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
