Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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