I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
