gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
